The Chenbot Confessional

[Julie Chen [streetlightrox]]

I am so excited to be on Survivor! ;D It's weird, though, to be the one competing for once instead of narrating...

Anyway, I don't really know what to think about my tribe yet. I haven't gotten a chance to really talk to them one-on-one yet. Well, I talked to Nick. He seems like a real genuine guy, like the kind of person I'd like to know after the game. I was a little wary about bringing the possibility of an alliance up to him yet. We talked really just to get to know each other, although he could be a prospective alliance partner later on.

I'm not loving the oudoor survival aspect, but I think I can tough it out. Hunger is definitely going to be the biggest problem for me. That and rain. I don't like rain at all, and by the looks of our shelter, if it rains, it's gonna pour.

I'm the oldest peron on my tribe, which really makes me feel a little vulnerable... I think at this point I will go with the flow and try to do lots of work around camp to show I'm worth keeping around. But, Nick is the only guy on my tribe, so if the other girls want to be a foursome, I'd feel really bad about but I'd have to accept.

That's all for now. I'm gonna spend the next couple of days getting to know Mariah, Kelli, and Pixie better, and get focused for the challenge.

[Julie Chen [streetlightrox]]

The first night was pretty awful. It was cold and uncomfortable and I just kept thinking about my family and how much I miss them already. I know that they're supporting me, but it's just so tough to not see their faces. Getting up this morning made me realize how much I take for granted. I feel like I would go to tribal council three times in a row if someone just gave me blankets and pillows and a cup of coffee... just the little comforts of life.

Today I was one of the first to wake. I went to the well to get water, but without fire we cant really drink it, but it's something to do. When I got back, the rest of the tribe was slowly rising, so I think tomorrow I might wait a while before leaving the shelter. I don't want them to think I'm being antisocial or trying to one-up them in terms of chores around camp.

We spent some time just sitting in the shelter. I think everyone's pretty excited about the first challenge, well at least Nick and Mariah are. I might just start a 'get to know eachother' sort-of thing, partially because the only person I've actually had a conversation with is Nick, but also that would let everyone just meet eachother as people, instead of competitors.

My goal for this game is to make the merge. At that point, I think I will be able to walk away from this game with my head held high. Winning would be great, but making the merge is much more realistic. Not that I don't want to win ;D. The only way I'd be disappointed in my placements is if I'm the first one out, or I go late jury, because then it's like I starved myself for x amount of days for nothing. My ideal placement, besides winning, is mid-jury, because then I have about a week to relax and recuperate before I go home.

[Julie Chen [streetlightrox]]

The 'get to know you' idea has worked out pretty well so far! ;D Kelli and Mariah (both of whom I didn't know at all) both opened up about who they are and I think it's great that as a tribe we can just sit down in an out-of-game sort-of way and (hopefully) become friends. I think my tribe is going to be a very strong, energetic group. The only person I think might fall flat in that aspect is Pixie. I haven't seen her make much effort around camp or being open as a person... Hopefully she'll start coming around to us and become a valuable tribe member. But if she doesn't, that's always a reason to boot her before me .

[Julie Chen [streetlightrox]]

I really don't know what to think about Kelli. Around camp she's dynamic and fun, but, when I talked to her on her own, she seemed a little unenergized. She just wasn't as welcoming as Nick, but hopefully when I start to get to know her better as the days go by. We sort-of just were talking, then the conversation awkwardly ended. I don't think I will wind up asking her about a possible alliance unless I absolutely have to, because she just doesn't come across to me as totally honest at this point. I was hoping that, because we're both (slightly) older women we might be able to click but... On the other hand, I can understand her being a little reserved right now... I hope we can become closer because I think she'd be cool to get to know, but for now, we'll see what happens.

[Julie Chen [streetlightrox]]

Mariah seems like a nice girl. When I went to talk to her she was very enthusiastic and responded very positively to me. I don't think that she's going to be very trustworthy though... There's just something about her that I can't place my finger on... I think we can be friends, but she's the kind of person I'd keep at arm's length. Hopefully I'm wrong, but for now I'm going on first impressions.

Now the only person I haven't had a legitimate conversation with is Pixie. As far as I know, she hasn't talked to anyone. She doesn't really do much around camp, and sometimes I can't even tell if she's even around camp... I think she's really setting herself up to be the first to go for our tribe.... That is if she shows up for tribal council! ;D

[!Chad!]

This is my new favorite thread

[Julie Chen [streetlightrox]]

I figured out what it is with this girl! ;D She's not an information giver.... like I can talk all I want to her and all I'll get is an 'mmmhm' in reply. I talked to her for a second time, and now I trust her less. When I'm around her, I just have to remember to keep my mouth shut. She definately came here to play, and, if it suits me, I'll play along. But if she tries to get me out.... well I came to play, too. I'll just have to end her game .

((OCC: OMW thank you Chad! ;D))

[Julie Chen [streetlightrox]]

I could not sleep at all last night. Our shelter is far from comfortable, the bugs are irritating, and some monkeys couldn't just until morning to howl at each other. I was actually praying for sleep, it was that bad. Hunger is already setting in. We don't have much food other than a bag of rice. I went foraging with Nick, but we didn't find much, just a couple of mangos . I'm going today with Kelli to look for fruit, hopefully we'll find some.

I'm a little worried that no one brought up the topic of alliances yet... I would but I don't want to see too pushy. Besides, the only person I could see myself really loyal to is Nick. The others, well, two seem like they'd do anything to get ahead, and the other is pretty useless... I mean Pixie does absolutely nothing but act like a potato and leech off the rest of the tribe. I think I might be able to get Nick to form an alliance, but I'd have to be very careful how I bring it up.

I can't wait for the challenge! ;D I really want to be a tribe that can win when it's important, and the first immunity is great for setting up morale and setting up momentum. I'm also really excited to prove myself to the others... I just hope I don't screw up...

[Julie Chen [streetlightrox]]

Wow. Just wow. This twist will be so monumental to someone's game. I really hope I can win it, because then I can spend my whole first half of the game in ease, while making valuable friendships. Sadly, I think my tribe is going to lose the challenge , and all because of one person... *cough* PIXIE *cough* Pixie really needs to start pulling her weight, or she'll go home. If we go to tribal council, she better go, because everyone else at least tries around camp and does something... She's useless, but for now that's good for me. If we go to tribal tonight, there will only be four Tikal members left, so people are going to start to look for allies. I just need to get someone (preferably Nick) on my side and I'm good ;D.

[Julie Chen [streetlightrox]]

Of course I screwed up the challenge... I feel so stupid that I didn't read the rules all the way through... I think I'm good for this round though... I mean Pixie and Kelli didn't even show up for the challenge! On the flip side, I'm now in an alliance with Nick. I know he's got my back, so I feel pretty safe at the moment. I'm definately going to do better next challenge, and I'm going to go over the rules about ten times before I start. On a tribe with people who were really strong players as far as challenges go, I'd be a gonner. I'm really lucky that my some people on my tribe just don't do stuff... . I'm gonna take this as a lesson, because I might not get another chance.

[Julie Chen [streetlightrox]]

Well I talked to Mariah after the challenge, to apologize. She didn't seem to think it was my fault so... ;D. I'm sort-of stuck with Mariah now... I mean I'd rather Kelli go then me since Nick got the to-the-merge immunity. It's not like we're tight, but we're just don't have another option. If my tribe winds up sucking that bad that it comes down to us having to eliminate someone after Pixie, I think Mariah is on board with Kelli going. Then she's next, but I don't think she could possibly know it at this point. Hopefully, another tribe will have an incomplete pyramid, because then Pixie will remain as the first boot on our tribe, so I can know I'm safe for another tribal. I also hope that there's a tribe switch-up soon, and that I get on the same tribe with at least one of Nick or Mariah. That, or becoming a swing vote between two groups of ex-tribemates. That's too far ahead to think about, though, so for now, I know I'm safe, and for later... I'll just cross those bridges when I come to them .

[Julie Chen [streetlightrox]]

When we got back from the challenge, it was pouring rain. Our fire had gone out, our shelter and all our stuff was soaked, and the there were puddles all over the ground. The worst part was that the rain was FREEZING cold. Right now, I feel so defeated. The challenge went horribly, and the rain did nothing to help my mood. Being out here is a lot tougher than I thought... I think the worst part is just the lack of everything that's familiar to me. It's only day three and already I miss chocolate and ice cream and television and toilet paper and all the things that I take for granted. It's really amazing how important they seem now.

The hunt for food had little success... . There's absolutely nothing around camp. Monkeys and birds and whatever else take any fruit there is, and anything they miss is two high for us to reach. I feel like I'm slowly starving away... .

[Julie Chen [streetlightrox]]

We actually won! I am in shock right now! I thought for sure we'd be going to tribal... This is AMAZING! Now we still have an easy boot (Pixie) and we're all safe! I'm at a loss for words, really... ;D I can't really describe how happy I am, or how surprised I am, or anything! I'm just so happy, and WOW! We actually WON! ;D That's really all I can say right now... just wow... ;D

[Julie Chen [streetlightrox]]

Since we didn't go to tribal council, we spent the night relaxing and having a good time. We all talked about who we thought the other tribes woould boot. Personally I think Coba is going to vote off Michelle, but I have NO idea about the rest. To be honest, who cares?

Life at camp was back to the same old routine this morning. I went to get water with Nick, and we solidified our alliance. Of course, it's still Nick, Mariah, and I doing all the work... . Those other two better start participating, because right now they're at the bottom, and they're not doing anything to change that. I feel right now that I am at the top of the food chain. The only way I'm leaving is if we go to a tribal of just me and Nick, because his immunity idol would save him. I'm really happy with my position on the tribe right now... I hope I won't have to start al over because of a twist... For now, I'm just waiting for the next challenge. I know I'll do better in this one ;D!

[Julie Chen [streetlightrox]]

I talked to Kelli today when we went looking for food, and I think she's really trying to make up for not participating as much as she could've the past few days. Personally, I like her more than I like Mariah. She just was friendlier and we talked about home... If I can, I think I might try to convince Nick to keep her over Mariah. I don't know how close he is to Mariah, but either way we're running this tribe together.